soft animals (NHB Modern Plays) by Holly Robinson

Author:Holly Robinson [Robinson, Holly]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781788501491
Publisher: Nick Hern Books

7.

SARAH’s flat. A few days later. A new teddy, with a judge’s wig. Royal Courts of Justice.

SARAH and FRANKIE are tipsy.

FRANKIE. I don’t understand how all you have is wine.

SARAH. Wine is good.

FRANKIE. With a meal! With foie gras I’m sure / it’s absolutely delightful

SARAH. How posh do you think / I am?!

FRANKIE. Not to get pissed off of. It makes my head hurt.

SARAH. That just means you need to drink more, Frankie.

FRANKIE. To finalised divorces! To me actually handing in an essay!

SARAH. To never having to suck his toes again!

FRANKIE. What the fuck – no!

SARAH. Oh yeah. I was kind of in to it in the beginning but then he started cycling everywhere / and

FRANKIE. That’s nasty. Oh my god.

SARAH. No. No. I’m being cruel. He was a master at cunnilingus.

FRANKIE. Cunnilingus. Sometimes you talk like you’re fifty-seven, you absolute freak.

Oh my god. Do you know how to play Never Have I Ever?

*

SARAH. Never have I ever um never have I ever ummmm –

FRANKIE. Come on!

SARAH. Got a tattoo.

Neither of them drink.

FRANKIE. Boring.

SARAH. Go on then!

FRANKIE. Never have I ever… done coke.

SARAH drinks. FRANKIE does not.

SARAH. At uni, twice. Disastrous. And then at the wedding of this boring woman from Steven’s work. Michelle. One of those women who thinks liking gin is the same thing as having a personality. She had a sign at the reception that said gin o’clock.

FRANKIE. Who had the coke?

SARAH. Her little cousin.

FRANKIE. White people are fucking wild.

SARAH. Never have I ever had sex with a woman.

FRANKIE drinks. SARAH does not.

When? Who!

FRANKIE. A few times. I’m bisexual or whatever.

SARAH. Or whatever! I thought –

FRANKIE. I said I didn’t fancy you not that I didn’t fancy girls. I mainly fancy girls. Men are very mediocre.

SARAH. But. Do you do the thing. The bad-sex thing with women?

FRANKIE. Nah, women won’t hurt you the way men will.

SARAH. Right.

Never have I ever fucked a married man.

FRANKIE drinks. SARAH drinks. FRANKIE is surprised.

Well my husband was technically married.

FRANKIE. Oh fuck you.

Never have I ever thought about killing myself.

SARAH. Well. That’s a mother of a question.

FRANKIE. My rugby-playing flatmate posed it in freshers’.

SARAH. What a twat.

FRANKIE. Yeah.

They both drink.

SARAH. Never have I ever tried to kill myself.

Neither of them drinks.

Well, that’s good.

FRANKIE. Well done us.

They burst out laughing.

SARAH. We got dark.

FRANKIE. Yeah.

SARAH. We always get dark.

FRANKIE. Yeah.

SARAH. I don’t want to get dark. I want to get drunk.

FRANKIE. You are drunk.

SARAH. Let’s go dancing!

FRANKIE. I don’t think that’s a good / idea, Sarah

SARAH. It’s a great idea!

FRANKIE. All the people, Sarah –

SARAH. You are so boring sometimes. We never go anywhere. You’re young. I’m – I’m divorced. We’re going.

FRANKIE. I don’t have anything to wear.

SARAH. I have clothes. You can wear my clothes. You can wear this! You’ll look great in this!!

She starts to take FRANKIE’s jumper off her. FRANKIE finishes the job herself, turning away a fraction. She is in her bra or a strap top. She has a nicotine patch on her arm.

What’s this?

FRANKIE. My arm.

SARAH. You smoke?

FRANKIE. Not any more.

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